This is not Goo's Blog

Well not really... But I dunno... I will leave it for you guys to decide.

So I was having dinner at the staff canteen. The Swede is already there but the boys are already drooling over her, so I just let her and her admirers be and eat my dinner. She keeps giving me funny looks though, but she won't actually talk to me. Strange girl.

Anyways Masseuse Girl rocks up and sits next to me. Asks me whether or not I have a woman on the mainland, I tell her that no I don't. And then she opens up with the fact that she's in training at the spa, so she will need test subjects to practice on, and would I be interested.

My first thought was of course "free massage! woo!". And I didnt think anything of it... until I remembered this whole deal I have with myself. Now if this is just an innocent practice session and she merely thinks of me as a dummy to do all her massaging on, i should be cool right? But then I hear Tik laughing at me from across the kilometres shaking her head and calling me clueless cause she'll say that it's an obvious come on.

But its not THAT obvious is it? I mean she needs to practice, I was there ready to be asked to participate in said practice sessions. Its nothing right? Right?

Okay I'll leave the floor open to your wise and profound comments, with the exception from the comments from Pro cause they'll inevitably call me a girl at some point :P

Okay... 40 days and 40 nights.

Everyone knows the premise right?? Well okay, quick explanation. Basically I am not allowed to perform any sort of sexual activity with either myself or the raven haired, blue eyed, pouty lipped waitress from the restaurant... (focus damnit!), or the swede, or dutch, or number one, or the masseuse or any other girl on this island or coming to this island.

So today is day one.

Ummm... pretty easy so far I can say :P

I am taking a break from female kind.

I have seriously had enough. For the next two months, I am not even going to consider hooking up with another girl.

Yes, yes I know I said this before. But this time I'm serious.

I mean especially with the age range I'm dealing with. And yes it could be a gross generalisation, but in my experience girls at this age are more prone to wanting lots of big dramas in their lives. Drama I neither have the energy to provide nor the inclination to produce.

I was thinking of retaking up painting as a hobby, I've got the space, I've got plenty of good natural light out on the shared balcony. And it'll keep me out of trouble and out of drinking for the forseeable future. Whenever I get sucked into one of my hobbies I always tend to get a little obsessive, so this would be a great thing to add along with the gymming and the scuba diving lessons.

So you heard it first. If I even speak about another girl in terms of lovey dovey crap, you all have my permission to cut off my penis and throw it out of a moving car.

Friendship is permissible.

So last night I was planning to have a night in the office... input some data, crunch some numbers and create a few spreadsheets. But the best laid plans and all that...

It started off quite simply... I was at the gym doing my daily workout (sidebar: one of my goals while working here is to get ripped and cut... ooooh yeah... lost about 2cm off the gut already another 3cm and I should have the six pack again... hurrah!) when the F&B manager (thats "food and beverage" to you lay persons got excited about the challenge of a chess game put forward to him by myself a few hours earlier. I wanted to play tonight, but last night he insisted on a challenge.

It was a good game... I had him running then, outta nowhere, he had a 3 move checkmate. *shakes fist at F&B Manaer* If only I had moved the rook up first, but I got excited with my checks and brought up the knight which opened up the file for his queen and end of story. But thats okay I was challenged afterwards by one of the bartenders and I won that game. The I had a rematch with the F&B manager again. The game wasn't going as planned the alcohol consumed was getting to me and I was making dumbass moves. By the end game I only had my queen and a lowly pawn on the rook file. He had his queen, 2 pawns, a rook and a knight in play. There was really no way I could win the game, but I did manage to pull a stalemate out of my ass, which steamed the guy to no end. His score on the island so far is 31-1 but he has to add another 1 at the end because of the draw. So now he is at 31-1-1 (thats 31 wins 1 loss and 1 draw) and my score is at a respectable 1-1-1. He wants a rematch tonight.. but I dunno... I will be getting trashed on Jaeger...

So that concluded the first portion of the evening. The second portion of the evening consisted of most of the staff sitting around a table smoking and chatting. I found out a few things. There are some real douche bags on this island. I mean seriously two guys drunkenly dry humping each other while shouting to the girls sitting on the table whether or not they wanna come and *insert a quite specifically descriptive sexual act here* for 30 minutes straight was so high schoo.... wait... I didn't even do that in high school...

But there are some real good guys as well, Jarhead, Flip, Maxamillion, and Sideburns are all a little more on the mature side (mentally) they're all still in their early 20's but theyre the kind of guys that you can sit in a group of people that includes girls without having to resort to talking about their own genitalia.

While this was transpiring I know I got a few "come hither" looks from 3 separate girls. The Swede (Carolina), Dutch (Erin) and the Chess Watcher (NFI). Now I don't know what this is all about because I heard from Jarhead that the rumour around the island was that I was gay. A fact which I told him not to deny if asked by others, it'll just be easier, I won't be tempted to do anything stupid if everyone thinks I'm batting for the other team. Although there could be trouble if the girls start wanting me to help them put their bikini's on or something... Gah!

Anyways, come hither looks. So I kept getting these looks, which I chose to ignore, I made sure I was sitting on the other end of the table from the Swede and the Chess Watcher and across from Dutch. I tend to get touchy when I'm drunk, so I didn't want any inadvertent flirting to transpire.

Although I hate to admit it, there is one girl who has piqued my curiousity. We'll call her Number One (Erin as well, different from Dutch Erin). But she seemed intelligent, articulate, very pretty, great smile... AND apparently all the douchey ones have crashed and burned with her.

But damnit no... I will be good, I will be good, I will be good...  

So first day on my own as the manager...

Frankly hand-over was a piss weak affair. I'm not too sure whether or not it's because the girl who was in this role before never handled a hand-over before, maybe it's because we're in a transition phase with the new owners and there really isn't any hard documentation to handover, maybe its cause she was young, maybe she just didn't like the look of me (which of course is damn nigh impossible since I'm awesome :P) but whatever reason, it was all pretty screwed up.

I barely got a course in our suppliers I have a list tacked up on the wall in front of my office. I'm not even too sure what the ordering parameters are, I've already created up a bunch of Purchase Orders for the boutique and I'm not even sure those were done right.

But pretty much I'm not stressing yet, I should be able to handle most things that come my way just due to the fact I know what I'm doing numbers wise and I can talk a fair amount of bull-shit :). Which is I guess pretty much what this roll entails, a good head for figures and trying to juggle a gajillion things at once and the intelligence and largeness of sack to fake it when necessary.

It's like life pretty much :P

You're watching Dr. Phil and we'll be right back after these messages...

Well I finally caved.

I had my first bender last night. Well it wasn't a total bender. More like a mini bender.

Basically I was working in the resort bar with my laptop yesterday afternoon (yes it was Saturday, and yes I was working, but it doesn't really count cause I'm on a freaking island!) And one of the housekeeping guys, a German backpacker called Max, decided to have a sit and chat.

I think he was trying to gauge whether or not he still had any chance of landing the Purchasing Assistants position, unfortunately it was filled already. But hell we decided to have a couple of beers. Then we met up with the other non-Filo-Filo (its a long story I will explain at another time) Bryan, who's been here nearly 2 years. Then there was Swedish Girl (Carolina), Beau (I think thats how you spell it), Anthony (my new assistant) and some dude from Maintenance who's name I keep forgetting, and a few girls who seemed to tag along to the party and appeared randomly throughout the night. We started off at the resort bar with shots and then moved onto the staff bar for drinks.

A large volume of alcohol was consumed. Lotsa beers, me I'm partial to getting hammered with shots. It just doesn't get me fully maggoted otherwise, so I was drunk, but not drunk enough to do anything stupid.

Oh I am also beginning to lay the groundwork to ensure I will not be participating in any "action sports" (if you know what I mean *waggle eyebrows) with the females on this island. In the staff bar I acted like every girl was just one of my buddies from back home, and kept assigning obnoxious nicknames to all the girls, and then promptly forgetting them about 5 seconds later.  Yes I know I'm acting like a douche... but if I can get all of them to think I'm a douche, then we can be friends, cause then I'll just be their douchey friend... seeeeeee... I have a plan :P

I can't believe I've been here for 3 days already. Yowza.

It's gone quick.

Anyways, its awesome. I mean I think everyone is expecting the Sydney City Boy to freak out and go postal (ha ha ha yes I still use "postal" and let the "god get out of the 90's" comments begin. The 90's were cool and you know it!) Everyone seems to very surprised that I went all out and sold all my car and everything to move over here.

But I will admit there are a couple of things that well I wouldn't say if I were told about them I wouldn't have taken the job, but it would've been nice to know.

1. Barge duty - this is part of my role in Purchasing. And yes. Let me just say that its one helluva workout. Basically all our goods come to the island via a barge every week on a Wednesday (theoretically) and all these items need to be unloaded and placed in the respective storage areas. It is hard, sweaty, hot work. I can honestly say doing that once a week will give me the body I have wanted for a long time, but god its tiring.
2. The Birds - okay its a national park resort, and they did say that there are a lot of birds on the island and to bring earplugs if youre a light sleeper (which I'm not, unless someone is sleeping next to me, but that's another story) I guess I should've extrapolated from that, but I guess I was just too excited. Basically what I'm leading up to lots of birds=lots of bird poo. I mean lots. Especially in the more older residences (which I would've been living in had I not gotten a promotion) it is rank, its not overpowering. You don't dry retch or anything, and the sea breezes usually wipe the smell out. But still it's there.
3. Living conditions - again not something I have to worry about personally since I'm living practically in a mansion by comparison (its a bedroom with a bathroom and an air conditioner, thats it), and they had me stay in one of the resort rooms while it was being sanitised. But just walking thru the employee village, the houses are really bad. No aircon, communal bathroom. I mean damn... thank god for my promotion :P

But other than those 3 points I really have no complaints. I am trying not to get sucked into the whole drinking group they have. And also keeping my distance from the few girls that looks-wise I would be interested in. I WILL NOT shit where I eat this time around :P

So to sum up. If I can get you a job as a manager or head of department, you will LOVE this place. If you're still willing to work here as a pleb despite the warnings above... I might have a position for you.

Seriously.

PS photos of my helicopter flight over to come :)

So here I am in centralish Queensland.

Right onnthe coast, weather is what could be termed semi-tropical. It's hot and humid. And I feel right at home. Well temperature wise anyways.

I'm usually the first one to turn on the air conditioning if the temperature hits anything above 25 celsius. I mean it's going to be 39 degrees celsius in Sydney tomorrow! (what the hell is that in fahrenheit, seriously ppl go metric already) I wouldve been laying on the floor with the air conditioning pumping, taking showers every five minutes to get rid of that sticky gross feeling.

But here, I feel fine. I am remembering instances the last time I visited the motherland, I felt pretty comfortable in tropical humid weather, as long as there's an off shore breeze, well maybe even not, it was more than a decade ago.

Right now though, I can check off the "what if its too hot and I hate it" worry from my list.

I'm just a tropical island boy pretending to be a city boy pretending to be an island boy who came from the city.

I just confused myself... <----------------------------------- this much ---------------------------------------------------->

*EDIT: they've changed my schedule once again... but guess what! I'm going to fly in on the helicopter! Wooooo!

I haven't slept yet, and not really planning to...

I'm a little buzzed and a little broken hearted, and a little excited and a little scared.

Buzzed, well I'm off to what seems to be THE dream job.

Broken hearted cause, well the girl I thought I was interested in (and who I thought was interested in me) told me she went on a drug induced bender the weekend past, and had a one night stand. And decided that since all she does is hurt me has decided never to talk to me again.

Excited, I'm going to be living on an island.

Scared, I'm going to be living on an island with 100 - 150 other people, I'd like to have friends there, and not just the casual work mate kinda friends, but real friends. And what if they're all normal, I mean I'm not the most "normal" guy. Weird sense of humour, strange propensity to make off colour jokes, a strange american accent in a country filled with Australian ones. Total inability to control what others might think of as flirting. The island also has limited mobile phone reception so its not like I can message my mates when I'm lying in bed.

At least they have wireless, so I'm going to be online a whole lot more.

So who wants to volunteer to accept completely random and lengthy conversations over facebook? :P